This blog is bankrupt

Due to financial troubles, I have to close this blog. You can still look at it; none of its contents will go away; however, if you still want a bi-monthy dose of my intellectual musings, you'll have to go here: http://meonvarioustopics.blogspot.com Thx!

NOTICE

This is a notice to the followers of my blog.

I have lately had trouble turning a profit in this blog.

That may be due to my not charging anything; HOWEVER, my costs are very high. It seems like I spend hundreds of dollars a day keeping this blog maintained! (I probably don't, but it sure seems like it.)

For that reason, I'm going to start charging a $7.99 monthly membership fee for anyone who wants to view my blog. There will also be a 60% increase in that fee, effective IMMEDIATELY. And in attempt to make instant gains, I will also be cutting back on how often I post (from 3 times a year to appx. 2 times a year).

If you are currently a follower of my blog and have not yet paid these fees, YOU ARE A CRIMINAL and you must pay the $7.99 membership fee immediately, including the 60% fee increase, plus a $20 late fee (with 5% interest per day on this total balance).

In the meantime, I'm also planning to bring in advertising on my blog. I'll be offering an ad-free version of my blog at an extra rate of $29.99 per month.

If you're interested in subscribing, or you have monstrous late fees to pay, please come over to my house and pay me in cash.

We're glad to be doing business with you!

-The Mgmt.

Reviews I wrote for some books I hated

Reviews I wrote for some (etc.)...

As I Lay Dying

Brighton Rock

One day I'll write a review for a book I like. But only after I've written reviews for all the books I hate, though, including children's books (too simple and obvious!) and books I haven't read (if they were any good I'd have read them by now!)

How was your summer of 2009?

I've been meaning to ask this for over a year: What are your favorite memories of the summer of 2009?

One of my favorite memories was how it was really warm outside and people were spending lots of time outdoors.

Snow Emotions, Pt. 2

I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional.

This was difficult. I stepped outside and it was not as cold here as my heart desired; the sound of water dripping brought tears to my eyes, the sight of the dark, grey, damp sidewalk, revealed by dying snow, causing those tears in my eyes to accumulate until they slowly began trickling down my cheek. I began to wonder how much longer I could live in this town in which every blizzard, every promising night and day of snow, was quickly followed by days of melting; days of sorrow. I sometimes think that I should just drive away; or even RUN away, knowing that each inch I drive across the snow causes even more of it to melt than if I ran; I could go to Wisconsin, and stay there for as long as possible. As soon as it dawns on me that I have to come back to Boise, I will go out into a field, where there are several feet of snow piled up, and bury myself in it, where no one will ever find me. But then I realize that the snow would eventually melt in several months, and some one will find me, and this cruel twist of irony, I could not bear.

I began my trek. The first sight I see is the same field which was visible outside of my kitchen window (see photo 1). At first the sight of snow--ANY snow--makes my heart jump; I feel good; but the sound of dripping comes to my ears again, and I notice the bare spot under the table, and the trees with their tops bare; not to mention the fact that it isn't snowing. But of course, that is something I have to deal with every day of the summer; knowing that it won't snow for MONTHS; in the summer, I learn to deal with it. It's much harder when one receives the gift, the joy, of snow, and then has it yanked away from them... LIKE THIS...

The rage is uncontrollable at this point. I see a squirrel on a nearby tree (see photo 2). It tries to run up the tree, but in my pure rage, I am too quick for it. I lunge at the squirrel and grab it between my hands; its squeaks fall upon deaf ears; I tear the squirrel and half, screamingly terrifyingly; I throw the two pieces of the former squirrel in front of me blindly, and they land somewhere far, far ahead; and now, realizing what I've just done, I begin to cry; I fall on both knees, asking God for forgiveness. I know that forgiveness will not come. I am damned. I search for the pieces of the squirrel so that I can vainly attempt to put them back together, but find them, I can not.

Despite my breakdown, I decide that my quest must continue. Through photographic documentation--and through writing--I must preserve the lives of the men whose lives have been granted due to this weather. I am talking, of course, of the snowmen--they are my brethren, for they truly live only when there is snow on the ground. Unlike me, however, they tend to live for many days after there is snow on the ground--a bitter reminder. (After the squirrel incident, I find that my writing has become more dash-oriented rather than semi-colon-oriented. This is no doubt a result of a huge emotional shift, but it does not matter--my emotions should come across the same.)

The first snowman I find is in front of the apartments next to mine (see photo 3). The site of this man instantly causes me to break down again; I fall in front of him; I hug him, and kiss his forehead; I want to pick him up and put him in my car so that I can take him to the North Pole and save his life, like in the film Frosty the Snowman. But I know that this is unreasonable; I have school tomorrow, and I have to focus on my studies; after all, I'm double-majoring in environmental studies and biology, in the hope that I can one day figure out a way to stop global warming, and save beautiful snowmen like this one; so full of life, vibrant, and immobile; so snowy and white...

Nevertheless, I overcome my emotions and continue my journey. Of course, I bless this snowman before I continue. Although I am barely able to stand, I manage to walk down the street on which I live. I'm looking back and forth for snowmen, and I have my Buffalo Bills earphones in and I have my song in random order, and this particular song by They Might Be Giants comes on, and, expectedly, I begin to cry. Just then, a Jeep drives by, full of teenagers with short hair wearing tank tops (I have long hair and am wearing baggy pants and a black sweatshirt.) They see my crying, and they jeer at me; "Pussy!" "Emo faggot!" "Crybaby!" they yell, in succession. One throws ah half-empty beer bottle, which narrowly misses my tear-stained face. I begin to run; they try to drive after me, but I duck into an alley and hide behind a trashcan. They drive past, without seeing me. They no doubt would have murdered me. Nevertheless, I will light a candle of forgiveness for them when I get home.

I walk out of the alley, and realize that I don't know where I am. I'm in a strange part of town that I've never seen before. Suddenly, I hear a muffed voice to my left; "Heeeelp meeeeeee." Startled, I turn, and there is an absolutely terrifying snowman right behind me; he is a mutant(see photo 4); he keeps crying "Heeeeelp meeeeee", and my first instinct is to run from this abomination; but I realize that I can help him. There is some sort of obstruction in his mouth and I attempt to pull it out, but it will not come out. It has been glued in by some cruel individual; no doubt a persecutor of snowmen, one of the many who roam this strange street which I do not know. I notice that his sunglasses have slipped down as his flesh has grown soft, tearing through it, no doubt causing him immense pain. He keeps crying, "Help me, help me," and I try to explain to him that I can't; I begin backing away; "You will pay!" he yells at me. "I curse you! I curse you, I damn you forever!" I continue backing away, in horror; I get one last glimpse of him screaming (photo #5)--his arms crutches both literally and figuratively--before I finally have the strength to turn and run.

To where I run, I know not; I am still in a strange part of town. There are strange sights here; strange abominations of snow (see photo 6). I need to find my way home, or I will surely be murdered.

End of Part 2; Part 1 to come soon.

Index of photographs:

Photograph #1



Photograph #2



Photograph #3




Photograph #4

Photograph #5

Photograph #6

If you like good music...

Then, hey yo, check THIS out.

THIS (click here)

You might also like it if you DON'T like good music.

That's MY Myspace music page; that's why I posted it. The songs get better and better as you go along! I ARRANGED IT THAT WAY ON PURPOSE!

I Bill-ieve!

The NFL season is about to start (I think there's only, like, a few hundred days left?) and I can't wait! and the main reason that I can't wait is because if there are NFL games that are going on, that means there are usually BILLS games going on, and the Bills are the coolest team in any sport in the history of humanity (and then some).

I'll give you a quick history of the Bills, for those of you who are not familiar with them, or for those of you whose minds have been poisoned by the misinformation of the mass media, which wants you to like any team, ANY team, except the Bills. Not to mention that the Bills are continuously sabotaged by the NFL because The Bills don't like to play by "the rules", so to speak. If you know what I mean.

Conspiracy theories aside, although I have many, the Bills have a very interesting history. The team started some time in the 60's, and I believe they had some amount of success in this time period. This success continued, completely uninterrupted, into the present day!, giving the Bills some 40 years of continuous success--an NFL record. What was their secret? To me, these are the four cornerstones to the success of the Buffalo Bills:

A. LOCATION. They are located in the great city of Buffalo, New York. What's great about Buffalo? It has a big lake by it on which you can go sailing in the summer and ice skating in the winter (unlike the Bills' divisional rivals, who come from cities like New York City, NY, Miami, FL, and the middle of nowhere in Massachusetts). There's a church of Scientology kind of near the downtown area, by the restaurant that created the original Buffalo wings! Which has a Wendy's next door. This is where we went to eat when we visited Buffalo (The Wendy's), and it was great, as Wendy's always is. Just three or four hours away from Buffalo is Niagara Falls, the largest waterfall in... Upstate New York? Um, no, THE ENTIRE FREAKIN' WORLD! Buffalo is also the proud home of Ralph Wilson Stadium, home of the Buffalo Bills. The Buffalo Sabres also play in Buffalo, and they have a similar record of success to the Bills. Except they play hockey. Not football. So it's not that similar, really, because in hockey there's 82 games in a season, and in football you only play four games in the playoffs if you win the first three, while in hockey you only play four games if you lose every single one. But I digress.

B. FANS. The Bills have the best fans in the world. Proof? Well, they live in a great city, and great cities have great people; also the Bills are extremely successful, and a team can't be successful without great fans; therefore, the Bills have great fans. They occasionally wear Bills gear and/or go to the game to cheer on their team.

C. THE COLD. In Buffalo, New York, the weather is freezing cold. Especially near the end of the football season. This gives the Bills a huge advantage, because it's pretty darn hard to play football in the cold because not only do your hands freeze, but so does the ball, which is filled with water. The only way to throw it is to balance it on your frozen palm, then to heave the ball forward as if giving a high five. This of course makes offensive strategy completely different, as no receiver has any reason to go further than 15 yards away from the quarterback, since that's as far as he can throw. The only way to catch a football in this weather is to pin it between your chest and your arms; don't even think of trying to use your hands. The Bills have perfected these techniques like no other team has. Furthermore, the Bills have a policy of only hiring players who were born and raised above the 42nd parallel.


D. THE BIG GAME. The Bills often lose the big game. This includes four Super Bowls in a row in the early 90's (the first one was lost in a missed field goal; the rest weren't even close), and that one where the Titans threw the ball on a kickoff and scored a touchdown and for some reason didn't get a penalty. The Bills have proven they excel at losing the big game. Always losing the big game may seem like a reason that a team would NOT be successful; on the contrary!! In order to lose the big game, you must win many small games to get to the big game n the first place. Because of all the small games they have won on the way to losing the big game, the Bills' all-time win-loss record is one of the best. Another upside to losing the big game is that it really puts your life in perspective. It makes you think, what is really the point of this game? Winning, losing... Does it even matter? It's important to think sometimes. If there's on thing Bills players and fans do a lot, it's think about the game of football.

Anyway, this is why the Bills are so good.

But wait, you may say! The Bills aren't any good at all! In fact, THEY SOCK!!! Ah, not true. Every single year, the Bills are one of the most overachieving teams. Each season, so-called "experts" pick them to win only three or four games. But they always win six to eight games! The Bills are always winning games they aren't supposed to. To a snobby Colts or Patriots fan, 6-8 wins might not seem very good, but us Bills fans know that each of these is a good win, and with each one, we're improving.

One problem with the Bills is that they always lose to certain teams. They lose to the Patriots and the Browns no matter what. For some reason. And we all tear our hair out each time, because they always blow it in the most ridiculous and humiliating way. BUT IT'S OKAY WE LOVE THE BILLS! LOVE... love... Must... love... Bills....

Bills players are great. Some of the all-time great players that have been on the Bills include Frank Reich, Jim Kelly, Doug Flutie, J.P. Losman, Trent Edwards, Rob Johnson, and of course, TERRELL OWENS.

So yeah that's about it for the history of the Bills. They had a great draft this year. Many criticized them for not drafting a quarterback early in the draft, but nonagenarian owner Ralph Wilson defends that decision with these words:

What the heck do we need a quarterback for?! In my day, we passed the ball four times a game, and rushed ninety-four times, and the games were 90 minutes long and a minute was much longer in those days. More importantly, we played good defense in those days, which is something this ball club has been doing for years now. I think that Brian Brohm lad is going to go a long way on this team.

So it should be another good season of entertaining football for us Bills fans. I can't wait to see some of their games on TV!!! .... Oh wait.... They don't really show any Bills games on TV here in Idaho. But no matter, on each game day I'll just go to Youtube and watch highlights of The Comeback, while wearing my Bills shirt. Then I'll look up the score of the Bills game and if we won, I'll shout, "HOORAY! GO BILLS!"

Love, James